


Stripped Bare

by Momma_Time



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex needs someone soft to lend a hand, Hinted at autistic alex, Laf does a good job, Laf is a good bf, M/M, Manic Episode, Meltdown, Overstimulation, Panic Attack, bipolar, hamlaf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:38:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9528161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momma_Time/pseuds/Momma_Time
Summary: Alex is having a manic episode and an anxiety attack of sorts. Lafayette is there to help Alex through a bad day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kind of basing this off of personal experience. Having bipolar and aspergers makes for a wild ride when there's a panic attack or I'm overstimulated during a manic episode. My bipolar medicine helps A LOT, but I'll have a day or two where the episode is bad enough to leak through a little. I'm thankful for the medicine because if it's bad enough to pop through the meds, then without them would be hell.
> 
> The stuff Alex thinks about asylums and serial killers are something an uncle of mine said to me out of malice and it's stuck with me since.
> 
> The Open Door Policy ™ is something my mom and I came up with for when I'm having bad days. Think of it as the traffic light safe words for sex but with mental health instead.  
> Open door: good day and interruptions are welcome  
> Door cracked open: my bedroom door is not a revolving door so limit how much you come in and out of it, but interruptions are okay if they're important. Otherwise, I need some space.  
> Closed door means I'm having a rough day and need to be left alone unless there's an emergency.

Going going going. His mind never shuts up, never stops, never takes a breath, never gives him PEACE. Most of the time, his medicine can stop this before it gets to this point and it becomes nothing more than a slight irritation, like a sunburn that's started to flake as it heals. He paces a little back and forth, back and forth, here and there, but it doesn't usually escalate from there.

But not today. Today it was giving him hell, and his thoughts were racing, and Alex thought he was going to come out of his skin. The slightest movement and noise and touch had him standing at the cusp of having an agitated breakdown. The last time it had happened, Alex had locked himself away in his room and rushed to remove his clothes in a panic, stifling a manic whimper as he nearly tore them off to get rid of the stimulation.

Only when they were off did he bury himself under several layers of soft sheets, the only luxury he allowed himself for this very situation.

Today was shaping up to be nearly the same as that time months back.

He fidgeted in his seat several times in class and glared at anyone that made a sound or tried to get his attention. Hostile, would be a good way of putting it, although Alex would never do anything in a time like this. The one time he had some semblance of self-control when it came to a fight, it was manic episodes like this one. As soon as class finished, he ignored Eliza and Thomas trying to ask if he was okay while he bolted for the door. Even his Washington calling for him didn't bring him back, and Alex almost always listened to his professor.

When he got back to his dorm, he rushed to take a Xanax to try and slow things down and lesson the meltdown he knew was coming. He choked it down and ran to his room to start ripping the layers of clothing off of him. And just like last time, Alex his under the heavy blankets and curled up into a ball, angry and broken at once. He cried silently to himself, not wanting anyone next door or his roommate to hear him if he came back.

He had no such luck in getting to be alone as after about twenty minutes, someone came into the dorm and quietly knocked on Alex's bedroom door. "Alexander?"

Shit. Shit shit shit shit. He did NOT need his boyfriend to see him like this. No one was supposed to see his meltdowns during a manic episode. What would people think of him? They'd call him crazy, say that he should be locked away in an asylum because he was obviously a prime candidate for becoming a serial killer and he USED to hear voices, so that would only make their perception of him worse.

"Alexander, may I please come in?"

Alex said nothing for a time, and Lafayette waited patiently. Eventually, Alex managed to get enough energy to grab the top blanket to wrap himself in and padded silently to the door. He cracked it open but didn't open it further. Alex and his friends had made an Open Door Policy. An open door meant that people could come and go, cracked meant that now is not a good time but an interruption here or there is fine so long as it's important, and closed meant that he was to be left alone unless it was an emergency. Lafayette had followed the rule and hadn't come in until Alex gave him the physical okay to come inside Alex's bedroom.

After Alex had opened the door, he turned around and immediately took a seat on his bed. He kept his head down, ashamed of his breakdown and how he must look. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair was a mess from where he'd been clinging to it, and he was stark naked under the single blanket. He finally realized that he was cold without the warmth of the other blankets, but suppressed any shivers that threatened to make themselves known.

Lafayette quietly followed Alex to the bed but didn't sit beside him; he softly asked if he could join him, and after he took a seat, asked if Alex was fine with being touched. Alex leaned into him as his answer and sighed quietly when strong arms wrapped around him. They sat like that together for sometime—Alex didn't know how long. Eventually, Alex whispered that he wanted to get dressed again, but only in his pajamas. Lafayette nodded and released him, standing and gathering the clothes he knew would make Alex feel the most at ease. Together, Alex was finally dressed in worn flannel pants, a t-shirt, and with Lafayette's sweatshirt over it all. Alex draped the blanket back over the others and crawled back under the covers. He gave Lafayette an expectant look, which had Lafayette softly snorting as he toed off his shoes and crawled in beside him.

Alex immediately latched onto him, and it took mere moments for him to start crying again. He hated this. He hated himself and everything about this hell of his. Alex mumbled apologies to Lafayette for being like this, for being broken and tired and crazy. He must be crazy if this is what he's like and how could Lafayette put up with it? With him?

Lafayette squeezed him tightly, running his fingers through Alex's hair while the smaller let it all out. Only when Alex finally stopped did Lafayette begin to whisper assurances that Alex had an uphill battle with this and that he'd be there every step of the way with him to help Alex keep going. He wasn't going anywhere. He loved Alex completely. Anything Lafayette knew that Alex needed to hear, he said it. And it wasn't just to say words; Lafayette meant every bit of it. He cared deeply for Alex.

They both fell silent for a time, and Lafayette thought Alex had fallen asleep, but he heard Alex whisper that Lafayette was the greatest man in the world.

Another snort from the Frenchman, "You're just saying that because I'm a good kisser and cook."

"No! Really. I don't deserve you."

"Alexander, you are the only one for me, and I think you're absolutely wonderful. How I got so lucky to snatch you up first, I may never know. Now shush and sleep. I'll make brownies when you get up."

"Will they be Hercules's recipe?"

"Hell no. Green things don't belong in brownies. That's disgusting and an insult to the culinary arts."

"Buzzkill."

"That's not the only thing I kill, if you remember what we were up to the other night. I'm pretty sure your ass will never be the same." Lafayette earned a swat to the arm for that.

"Shut up and go make me brownies."

"Go to sleep, Alexander."

"How can I if you say my full name? You Know what that does to me," Alex teased.

"Rest, and you'll have brownies, and I'll give you a blowjob."

"Holy shit."

Things weren't perfect, nor were they magically better, but it was a start. Alex needed that sense of normalcy, the way Lafayette took care of him without it being out of pity or condescending. Lafayette respected and loved him, knew Alex's boundaries, and was there when he was needed most. Alex couldn't ask for better.

**Author's Note:**

> This was kind of a vent fic.  
> Whoops


End file.
